Thursday, December 01, 2005

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hold
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

Saturday, November 26, 2005

More Beautiful Gatesville Posted by Picasa


I was going to post a most brilliant blog entry tonight, or last night rather, but I fucked around to long adjusting the settings, studying help articles, and downloading support software on my slow ass dial up connection. Now, I am more deliriously sleepy than brilliantly wordy. Yeah, and I could not come up with anything inspiring brilliance to write about. However, I was not just fucking off, I was tweaking the technical shit that goes along with a brilliant blog. And you may be surprised to learn, that although I am a brilliant writer and near genius in other matters (laugh all you want, you'll see), I am quite technically challenged. Gasp! Hard to believe, I know, but true none the less. I only started blogging like 4 months ago and know nothing about web design and page set up and whatever that computer code bullshit is. Thank God for templates, simple instructions and how to articles, otherwise I'd be lost. But, I am learning as quickly as a drunkenly delirious techno diva can. I think the ol' blog looks better now anyway. And I finally took the time to figure out how to post pictures, hence the last few posts of just damn fine photography and very little words. I was testing. And they are damn fine photos, if I do say so myself. Hard to believe, I know, but yes I am also a budding, brilliant photographer too. I have many more very good shots I could sit up all night posting, but I won't, because I am getting very sleepy and I must insert some words before I post more images.
Perhaps tomorrow I will write about the places in the pictures. Not tonight, or this morning rather. For now, I must take my sleep silly ass to bed and stop this bullshit babble. I will dream brilliant things to write about tomorrow. Sneer, snicker, laugh out loud. What the fuck ever! One day you'll see!

Friday, November 25, 2005

July in Rockport

 Posted by Picasa

Sweet Lou in Gatesville

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Introduction to Gatesville

There we were, our first visit to Gatesville, Texas.
Breathtaking, green rolling hills, rocky white limestone.
Gracious good friends as our benevolent nexus,
To this place where the sun so magnificently shone.
Country so gorgeous, it perplexes.

Prior to our lovely sojourn, on hearing the town’s name,
Prison images, vague and ambiguous, were all that came to mind.
Such an unflattering association, what a misfortunate shame.
The depiction so deficient, misleading, painfully unkind.
Now we know, since we came.

Now, since our fortunate stay, in our minds we can see,
In our memories, lush green pastures and endless rolling hills.
Scrubby little cedars and tall oak trees blooming in beauty.
Warm water in deep creek beds, cool spring water that chills.
Peaceful breezes blowing free.

Venerable farm cottage, standing watch over it all.
Collecting memories for well more than a century.
Like the sweet grandmother we forgot to call.
Serenely, gracefully withstanding and resisting time’s injury.
Regally refusing to fall.

Even the children were not immune to the magic
Of the vast beauty we were immersed in at the farm.
Swimming in the creek, relaxing in the shaded hammock.
Feeding the goldfish in the cistern, absorbing the land’s charm.
To them, leaving was tragic.

To our most gracious good friends, Amy, Cindy, and Charlie,
We owe heartfelt thanks for their most generous invitation.
And to our hosts, the kind Doctor and sweet Mrs. Bailey,
Simple words are not enough to express our sincere appreciation.
Your welcoming us back left us all able to leave more cheerfully,
Knowing we can return without hesitation...
...To Beautiful Gatesville.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Beautiful Gatesville Posted by Picasa

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Tolerance in Texas

Last week voters in my state passed a ban on same sex marriages, but it did not pass with my vote. I almost forgot to vote, but I did, with thirty minutes to spare. There were nine constitutional amendments on the ballot, eight of which I knew nothing about. The only reason I voted was to vote against the ban on gay marriage. Although I was pretty certain the ban would pass I was still hopeful my fellow Texans would surprise me and vote with a compassionate heart and an open mind. Unfortunately that did not happen and for the first time in my life I am a little embarrassed and slightly ashamed to be Texan.

My strong conviction that same sex couples should be allowed the same rights as heterosexual couples has nothing to do with my personal orientation, as I am married to a man and hopefully will be with him the rest of my days. However, I will admit I am bi-curious and am attracted to women, but am quite inexperienced in relationships, both physical and emotional, with other women. Furthermore, my stand on the issue goes against my Southern Baptist upbringing and the beliefs of most of my family, friends, and community, most of whom would probably be surprised I felt strongly enough to go out and vote against it. Perhaps I should start vocalizing my opinion on the matter more, starting in my own circle. It may not do any good but then again it might, as I can be quite persuasive when I feel strongly about something. More importantly, there are two openly gay women among my friends and family that you would think everyone would have rallied support for and gone out en mass to vote against the ban. But, as I explained my upbringing, it is not suprising my friends and family are not so open and understanding of the lesbians amongst us, choosing rather to ignore their sexual orientation or view it as a phase. This, is to me, sadly unfair. I would like to think I will not be so close minded and ashamed if one of my children realizes they are gay. I pray they are happy, healthy, and successful, whether it be in a traditional relationship or same sex partnership. Naturally, I would prefer and worry less if my daughters brought home a stable, supportive, successful woman that loves them over an abusive, lazy, unloving man. Same thing goes for my son. My only concern would be the increased hardship such a relationship would bring them from an ignorant, judgmental, uncompassionate, and homophobic society.

Beyond that, I question the reasoning and intelligence behind such a ban. Do people really think that by discriminating against same sex unions and depriving them of legal recognition, that homosexuality will cease to exist? Homosexuality has been around as long as homosapiens and has survived far less tolerant times than these. History has proven how absurd and completely futile it is to think discrimination, persecution, and denial will cure anything viewed as defective human behavior or beliefs. Knowing this, as surely as we all must, society's continued denial of the feelings and basic rights of gays and lesbians is nothing more than spiteful meanness, childish as well as fruitless. Not to mention that it is not our call to make. My God is a loving, just, and tolerant God and I cannot bring myself to believe he would condone such intolerance. And He teaches 'Thall shall not Judge', leaving no doubt it is not our place to pass judgment on one another.

As far as our nation has come in the last century it is still obvious we have a lot further to go. I remain hopeful, however, that mankind will come around and one day same sex couples will be able to marry in all states, file taxes jointly as married, be on each others health plans, and collect widowers death benefits for one another, and not be afraid to disclose their sexual orientation for any reason. It was only a few decades ago that Rosa Parks infamously refused to give up her bus seat to a white man, thus starting a racial revolution that eventually brought equality to all races. That battle took years and I'm sure this one will too, but the fact that the issue even made it to a vote means the fight has already come a long way. In the grand scheme of things, aren't there far worse things in the world that we should concentrate on eradicating, such as hunger, poverty, illiteracy, drug abuse, and cancer? Think about it, pray about it, then do something about it, one compassionately more tolerant soul at a time.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Gay Marriage Ammendment

I almost forgot to vote today, but I remembered before the polls closed and ran by there about 6:30. There were no political offices being filled, just 9 ammendments of the state constitution to vote on. Honestly, the only one I was even aware of was the proposed constitutional ammendment to ban gay marriage. If it passes it would ban gay marriage and make marriage between a man and a woman the only legally recognized form of domestic partnership. I went to vote AGAINST this bull shit ammendment. I strongly believe gay and lesbian couples should be able to marry just like hetersexual couples. They should not be discriminated against and deprived of certain rights because of their sexual orientation. What we should be voting on is an ammendment that would legalize and recognize same sex marriages. And there is no reason it shouldn't pass either. Easier said than done though. I just hope the ammendment to ban same sex marriages doesn't pass.

The more I think about it, the more it pisses me off. And I'm not even lesbian. (Bi-curious though, I can't really say I'm bisexual because I haven't had that much experience with women).
But I should have the right to marry my girlfriend if I ever get one. And the way my current hetersexual marriage is going, I might be single again one day. I hope not, but he might not put up with me forever. And, damn it I should have the right to make my third husband a woman. Afterall, marrying men hasn't turned out so well for me. Oooh, I can finally get that strap on I've been wanting for years.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Reminder to the Mighty

Hurrican Katrina unleashed hell on sovereign soil. Is this our retribution for Iraq? For the first time in years the attention of the media is thoroughly trained on something besides the war in Iraq. Unfortunately, that something is somewhat of another war zone. This war zone is not on the other side of the world, but is within our borders, along the Louisiana and Mississippi Gulf Coast. Thousands of Americans have lost their lives and many more are still dying each day.
They say God works in mysterious ways, ways we may not always understand. Is it possible we have become so callous and indifferent to the tragedies in Iraq, that we needed and up close and personal reminder of the hell of war, because the situation in New Orleans is as close to the hell of war as our country has experienced on our own soil in more than a century.
Almost every one of us has been guilty of armchair quarterbacking the Iraqi war, criticizing the actions of our government and troops as well as condemning the violent reactions of the Iraqi people. We have come to view the people of Iraq as uncivilized animals for not bowing at the feet of the soldiers that destroyed their defective civilization and are now trying to build them a better one. Nature destroyed the peace and civilization of the Gulf Coast, not soldiers and bombs. Those there to restore it are local and fellow countrymen, not foreign military. Yet Americans are responding with anarchy and violence against our own.
Should this serve as a huge reality check, perhaps? If the people of the most civilized and mightiest nation on Earth, who have lived a relatively easy and peaceful existence by comparison, are reacting the way Katrina's victims are reacting, how else could we expect the people of Iraq to react to their situation? Human nature, regardless of race, creed, color or country of origin, can be as ugly as it is beautiful.
We are seeing both ends of the spectrum now; beauty in the selfless actions of the police, military and volunteers trying to help hurricane victims, and ugliness in the selfish actions of some of those victims and the price-gouging profiteers. Difficult times such as these truly test human nature, and unfortunately desperation breeds evil as well as good. To that end, we should all be reminded to have compassion for one another, for the rescuers and the victims, and the soldiers and the Iraqis. And regardless of whom you pray to, be it God, as I do, or Allah, or Buddha, or whomever your higher power may be, remember to pray for compassion, patience and understanding as well as for the strength and resources to end the suffering and restore peace here and abroad. Ultimately, we are one people in one world, and sometimes even the mighty need to be rescued.